


Can't Run Forever

by thdancingferret



Series: Can't Run Forever [2]
Category: X-Men (Movieverse)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Requited Love, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2001-05-01
Updated: 2001-05-01
Packaged: 2017-10-08 23:00:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/80385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thdancingferret/pseuds/thdancingferret
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Scott's response to Logan's letter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Co-written with Jo

I don't know what say. I'm sure you can imagine how shocked I was to get your letter, probably as shocked as you'll be to get mine. You're not weak, Logan, fear doesn't make you weak and sometimes walking away takes more courage than staying.

Yeah, you're on my bike, and I didn't know you had a tail but that's one lucky appendage. Sorry, just trying to break up the tension a little, I shouldn't have wrote that. I'd start over but this is about the hundredth time I have and … well I'm not going to again.

I always seem to get stuck right about here. I… I'm just going to move past this point and try to respond to the rest of your letter. I think you'll get the point.

"Perfect face and perfect smile". No, you should see me without the glasses, they really do something for my face, namely hide half of it. I will admit I have a pretty good smile but it's not perfect, not by far. "Perfect clothes" bought by the professor. "Perfect manners" you might have me there but it only comes from fear, fear of rejection. "Perfect image" perfect illusion. "Perfect girlfriend" that she is … or rather was. "Perfect life" perfect LIE. Is that really how you see me? Guess I did a better job than I thought cause I was sure that you saw right through it all.

You were pretty convincing. I guess that's why I was so shocked to receive your letter. I really thought you couldn't stand me. I … I know how you felt. The first time I saw you lying on the hood of your truck, unconscious I… Shit, I don't know, I don't know what it was but it was … powerful. I'm sure you've felt it before, probably even stronger, you just don't remember.

Oh God, Logan, you don't know how much I … wanted that too. I still do.

Are you kidding me? You're the hottest man I've ever seen! You have no idea how appealing 'rugged' is. And, just for the record, I like your smile, it's mischievous and mysterious and damn sexy. It's not like you had the opportunities that the rest of us had, you've been on your own for a long time. There's nothing wrong with the way you dress or your manners or your image, it's just who you are. I wish I could be as straightforward as you are. I wish I could get away with speaking my mind the way you do and not have to keep it all bottled up inside, playing the part of some … "perfect" and fearless leader. It's bullshit! You're not alone, Logan, at least you don't have to be. You haven't found anything regarding you past yet? I thought the professor had a good lead? Shit, sorry, none of my business, right? Hey, you know, rough can be fun ... uh good, especially in our line of work but its not how you are, not really. You care, Logan, maybe you don't want to but you do. I saw you with Rogue, on the Statue of Liberty. It was more than just keeping a promise to protect her, you care about her; you were tender with her in a way that I … mistakenly thought was beyond you. Never judge a book by its cover, right? "Abrasive" its all an act, Logan, we both know that. Believe me, I've been there, don't let anyone close and you can't be hurt, right? And we're all flawed, Logan, contrary to what you said before, even me. Hell, I have more than my share.

If you ask me you are the perfect one; free and unfettered. You don't have to care what people think about you. You can be yourself and don't have to hide behind a mask, or a pair of ruby-red glasses. You can go where you want, when you want to go. You don't have to answer to anyone but yourself, be responsible for anyone but yourself. I may have the smile but you've got the body. Do you have any idea how … PERFECT your chest is? Shit, *I* almost swooned the first time I saw it! Not to mention your… Uh, never mind.

Again I'm at a loss for words. I guess… Well you weren't the only lying awake night after night. What it really was, was I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to believe that you wanted Jean. I didn't know, Logan, but I hoped, I prayed that it was all just a show, that I didn't imagine that … spark I saw in your eyes that first day in the professor's office. You know that was the first time in my life that I was really grateful to have to wear these damn glasses, if I hadn't been, you would have seen everything. Oh, you noticed that, did you? Well that's not smarts, that's fear. Fear of rejection and scorn … fear for my life if I was wrong about what I thought I knew. That last part is just a joke, by the way, so don't take it seriously okay. Well it's nice to know that I was more successful than I thought I was. I was so sure that I wasn't fooling you at all, that you knew exactly what I was thinking, how I was feeling and what I really wanted.

Damn, I wish… I'm sorry now that I hid it so well. Maybe … maybe if I was better at reading people, had more confidence in my ability anyway, I could have found the courage to … I don't know, let you in, let you see, let you know. Maybe you'd still be here then and I wouldn't feel so … lost, incomplete, like something I'd been missing all my life came for a brief moment and then disappeared.

There is no shame in needing, Logan, we all need. Before you did … something you'd regret? Like what? Never mind you don't have to answer that. Yeah, I know that he offered you a car but I wanted you to take my bike. You don't think I usually leave her outside, that close to the front door, with the keys in the ignition. I wanted you to have her. I wanted to know that wherever you were, there was a piece of me with you. Thanks, I'm glad to hear she's performing well for you, I spent a lot of time on her. She was my baby.

I don't why I'm writing this either, no that's not true, I do know, I'm just too afraid to tell you, even now. It wasn't easy tracking you down, you know, but I have. I wouldn't be sending this if I didn't know you'd get it. I guess I just want you to know that I'm thinking about you too, that I still lay awake at night thinking about you, dreaming … about you. We both have to face it, Logan; it's not just you. I don't know if that helps, or makes any kind of difference at all but I … well I wanted you to know.

There's been a lot of changes since you left, Logan, so "Xavier's happy little family" as you put it, isn't quite so happy anymore. And just so you know, I'm NOT glad you left, I'll never be glad that you left. This doesn't have to be goodbye, Logan. You could come back. You CAN come home. I'll watch over Rogue until you work it out, until you get back. She is a great kid, well she's not really a kid anymore, and she's making a wonderful addition to the team too. Just for the record, Logan, she doesn't need "someone" she needs YOU! The team needs you. I need… I hope you change your mind and come home. Until you do I'll take care of us both; you take care of yourself too. I might not be there to save your ass next time. Well, I guess I've written a long enough book here, you're probably sorry you decided to write. I'm glad you did though. Thank you for giving me the opportunity … and courage to tell you some of what I've been thinking … and feeling. I really hope you're doing all right, Logan, and I hope… I hope you'll change your mind about returning. Take care, okay? I hate the thought of you up there all alone, not that I don't think you're more than capable of taking care of yourself. Anyway, I'm just babbling now … I guess because I don't want to say goodbye. I do want to get this in the mail though so I'm going to close now. Be careful and … I'm thinking about you.

Sincerely,

Scott


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Co-written with Jo

Scott.... Jesus, how the fuck did you find me?? Scratch that, not sure I wanna know... Yeah, I'm shocked. Not really a 'mail getting' kinda guy, you know? Especially not from someone I didn't expect to ever reply. I am weak, Scott, and yeah, it takes courage to walk away - but it also takes courage to stay. The kinda courage I guess I don't have.

Well, right now, I'm not on your bike. I'm sitting in a fleabitten motel room, staring at your letter and trying to figure out what the fuck to say...

Yeah, I get the point.

I wish I'd seen you without the glasses, Scott. You have a perfect smile, you have no idea how many times I wanted to try to make you smile. Instead of frown at me, when I pissed you off... Rejection?? You gotta be shitting me - who the hell would be crazy enough to reject you?? Woa, woa, woa - back up, Cyke. 'Was'? What happened between you and Jeannie? I sort of figured you two were destined to get married or something... That was how I saw you, but maybe you'd better explain it to me. Cause it looks like I didn't see shit.

Yeah, it was powerful, ain't no denying that. And I've NEVER felt anything like it before, believe me, I'd remember that.

You... holy shit... I mean.... shit, I don't know what to say here, I didn't expect that...

Alright, you're using words like 'hot', 'appealing', and 'sexy'.... you been drinking, Scooter? Sorry, that isn't funny.... I just... don't know how to respond to that. Yeah, maybe I always 'speak my mind' (tactful way to put it, Scott), but it's gotten me into more trouble than good. No, don't apologize - I ain't found shit. Whatever or whoever might've been here, the trail's long since gone cold. So you like it rough, eh, Cyke? Forget I just wrote that. I shouldn't be drinking while I'm doing this, my mouth's getting ahead of what little common sense I have... I do care about, Marie, and no, you shouldn't have misjudged me, Scott. But then again, I care about alot of people and never exactly let it show.

You don't think this, being 'free and unfettered' as you called it, isn't just as much a mask? It's an easy way out, Scott. It means never having to take responsibility. It means a convenient excuse to run when things get uncomfortable. My.... you like my chest? No, Scott, no never minds - my what?

Shit, Scott, if I'd known.... who the hell am I kidding, I still would've ran. I mean... look at me, Scott, I'm not exactly a prize. But.... it's nice to know I wasn't the only one lying awake. Shit, that doesn't sound right... you know what I mean. What you 'really wanted'? What did you want, Scott?

Let me in.... Scott.... you feel.... 'lost'? I.... shit.... I never thought.... I mean, you always seemed so fucking smug and annoyed at me.... I thought.... shit....

Like going where I wasn't wanted... Yeah, I was kinda wondering when you suddenly got to be so stupid, leaving the bike like that... like I said, Scott, you're pretty damn smart - but I wish there were more of you with me. OK, I think I'm just gonna put the bottle down now.... Yeah, that'd be a real good idea...

Tell me what, Scott? You.... you ain't the only one doing some dreaming. For once in my life, I actually look forward to sleeping...

What the hell happened? Did someone get hurt? I.... what would I 'come home' to, Scott? Shit... you'd better be watching after Marie if you got her going on your damn missions!! You.... you need what? Take care of her, Scott, please? She's... she's a good kid. Closest thing to family I ever had.... And you damn well better be taking care of yourself too - I'm not there to save YOUR ass from Metal Head and his dipshits

And no, Scott, 'for the record', I am NOT sorry I wrote. If... well, if you feel like babbling again, I'll be here for a while.

Logan


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Co-written with Jo

Finding you wasn't hard, Logan. I simply triangulated your position down to a couple hundred miles from the postmark on your letter. After that, I calculated the time it took your letter to reach me along with a rough estimate of how long I figured you'd stay in one place, and what your next destination would likely be. Guess my math wasn't too far off, huh? Yeah well, I don't usually get much mail myself. It's not polite not to response to correspondence. Jesus, did I just write that? You're not weak, Logan.  
There is NOTHING weak about you. We all have our weak moments and that's all it was, just a moment. There's still time to fix it.

Well I'm not on my bike either and I know ALL about staring at your letter trying to determine what to say. Can't say as I've been in many flea bitten motels though. I hope you've had your flea bath for the month. Damn, I'm sorry, reflex, you know?

That's good. I'm glad you get the point.

There isn't much to see, Logan, just my eyelids. It's the dimples. I smiled when you flipped me off with your claw. Hell, I smiled when you called me a 'dick'. It's a long list but it's not important. It's kind of a long story, Logan. We were engaged but Jean gave me back the ring when we decided we were better off as just friends. It was all make-believe, all just an illusion.

No, it's impossible to deny. I never have either, Logan. Not by a long shot. I didn't think that I could ever feel anything more powerful than what I felt for Jean but ... I was so wrong.

Well then, I guess we're even because I didn't expect it from you in the first place. I still don't know what to say, Logan.

Yes I did but only because I was talking about you. You know I don't drink though I'm tempted to grab a beer at the very least to help me get through this letter. You don't have to respond to it, Logan, just ... know it how I feel, what I think. Diplomacy. A leader is often times called upon as a diplomat. That may be so but it's not like you're not good at getting yourself out of trouble. I wish there were something I could do to help. Oh  
shit, did I say that? Well I guess if you're lucky you'll see for yourself what I like, Wolvie. Too late, already responded to it so I can't take it back. Why are you drinking? I know you care about her, Logan, and you're right, I shouldn't have but I'm sorry to say that I did. I mean it takes a big man to admit that he's wrong, right? Well ... that seems to be a common enough occurrence.

Yeah ... I guess it is... That may be true but isn't that better than hiding in hole? Better than living a measured, predicable life surround by people who think they know you but don't? Isn't it better than feeling trapped or caged with no hope of escape? Christ, where is this shit coming from? Like? No, I don't like your chest, Logan, I LOVE IT!! I mean, my GOD, your chest is a work of art! Well I see that you were paying attention during our phone conversation. I still can't believe you called. Anyway, yeah you guessed it;  
I'm stalling. Uh ... you have a great ass, Logan. Phew, glad that's out...

Hell, Logan, if you hadn't ... left, I wouldn't have realized... I wouldn't have analyzed it. I would have continued on in my "perfect" little world of delusions, fighting what I was feeling harder than I fought Magneto and the Brotherhood. I mean do you really think any of this would have happened if you hadn't left? Oh I looked at you a lot, Logan, and I'd take that prize any day of the week! Yes, I do know what you mean and it is nice to know I wasn't alone. So what did YOU do in the shower? I did not just write that... I don't suppose I'd get away with scribbling that out? What DID I want? The same thing I want now, Logan... YOU!

You're wanted... Hey, what can I say? You know ... I almost left a note on her for you but I wasn't sure you'd appreciate it... More ... more of me there? Damn... I wish all of me were there, Logan... Putting the bottle down is good.

That I want you. That I've NEVER wanted anything more than I want you. That's ... that's nice to know. Looking forward to sleep, huh? Does that mean that you haven't been so plagued with those nightmares? I don't mean to bring it up if it's a touchy subject, I'm just ... concerned.

It's nothing major or serious, it's just... Well since Jean and I broke up, it's like someone died around here. I don't know what it is but the kids ... hell everyone is taking it harder than we did. I don't know... I meant I don't know why everyone's taking it so hard. Didn't want you to think that I didn't know what you would "come home" to... You'd come home to Rogue ... Marie. She misses you a lot, Logan, and you did promise her you'd be back, didn't you? You'd be coming home to the team; we need you there... Uh, there  
are a lot of people here that care about you, Logan, not the least of which would be ... me. Don't worry, Logan, I'm hoping to live a long life and I know getting Rogue hurt isn't the way to accomplish that! Really though, she's doing great and she hasn't really gone on any "real" missions yet. Chances are she'll go on the next one however, Storm and I both agree that she's ready, and I will watch her like she's my own! I ... I need... I need  
... damn, I didn't think it would be so hard ... hell there's a lot of things right now. Holy shit, I did NOT just write that. Well, guess that pretty much answers your last question, huh? I will, Logan, don't worry. She's a great ... YOUNG LADY, she's not a kid anymore. There are a lot of people here waiting to be your family, Logan. I take care of myself ... if  
only so I'm here to take care of everyone else. Oh right, I guess you did repay that little life debt I had on you. Guess our lives belong to each other now... I just need to go to bed before I make a complete ASS of myself.

Thanks for going on the record and as you can see, I've babbled my way through another couple of pages. So ... I'll just get this ready for the mail and… Take care, Logan, okay? I'd like to see you in one again ... soon. Don't feel like you have to respond to this if you don't want to. I'll see you.

Scott


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Co-written with Jo

Damn, Scott..... I guess all that schooling and shit paid off, huh? Like I said, always knew you were a smart one.... Just a moment..... yeah, I think I really would like to give 'fixing it' a try. If you think it's still a possibility.

Dick. Sorry, reflex....

Yeah, I'm dense, but eventually, it does get through. And damn glad it did, too.

Never figured I'd have a thing for eyelids, then... Still wanna seem 'em, Scott. Wonder what colour your eyes are sometimes.... But I'll settle for eyelids. Dimples? Shit, Scott, you don't have dimples, you just have one hell of a smile. She... gave you back the ring? 'Illusion'? Scott... .what the hell brought that on?

I don't wanna deny it. You're saying that.... shit..... I don't really know what to say to that. I.... I feel the same way.

A man could get an ego with words like those, Scooter.... I know the feeling.... I'm glad you told me, it.... gives me a lot more confidence. Diplomacy's YOUR forte, bub, I'm just the muscle. Yeah, I guess you could say I am - but it's only from lots of practice. Well.... if you put it that way, Scott, I hope I'm REAL lucky... I'm drinking because I'm bored. And nervous. Don't worry about it - it's the past, right? yeah, a fucking epidemic...

Yeah, it is. Shit, Scott, I never knew. I mean, I never even suspected you felt that way.... You're not caged, you don't need to be, not anymore. Don't think about where it's 'coming from' - just keep talking. I like to know what you're thinking, and feeling.... And shit, just told me there, didn't you.... Like I said before, you could really give a man an ego, Scooter.... Hey, I always pay attention to what you say - I just don't necessarily obey.... Oh.... is that so? Comment like that could come back to bite you, Scott.... right in the ass....

I.... I guess it wouldn't have, Scott. So in a fucked up way, it's good I ran, or I never would've known.... You did? Man, I really hate that fucking visor - can't tell what you're looking at behind that thing... Any day, or every day? No, you ain't alone..... You wanna know what I did in the shower, huh? Wasted alot of cold water jerking off, thinking about you and how you sound. That's what *I* did. and yeah, Scooter - you did write it, and nope, scribbling out doesn't work either. Damn it, Scott. You say shit like that, I'm not sure I'm gonna be able to control myself when I get back there.

Damn glad to hear that.... You did? Fuck, Scott, if you had, I probably never would've been able to leave. Oh fuck yeah, I want all of you here, there, doesn't matter WHERE.... Well, the bottle bit the dust, so....

Oh shit.... Scott.... I.... damn it, I ain't never wanted anything as much as this, as you. Nothing. Yeah, looking forward to sleep - no nightmares. Some pretty nice dreams, actually... It's not touchy. It's just that there's not much to talk about.... thank you...

So the kids aren't taking it well. Bad as that is for them, all that really means anything is that YOU"RE dealing with it, right? I mean, they'll get over it. Yeah, I promised Marie.... I'm glad I don't have to break that promise, because if you WEREN'T one of those people 'caring' about me, I wouldn't be coming home. Ever. Shit, Scott, I know you'd never hurt the kid on purpose, you don't gotta be worried about me. Just keep living alright? I'm glad she's doing so good - she always was quick on her feet. And I trust you to do your best, Scott, so don't sweat it. Oh yeah, you DID just say that, and I ain't letting you slide on that one - so just exactly what is hard, eh, Scooter? Alot of people? I don't need a lot of people. I just need two for my family. OK, you ain't the only one who can't seem to control what he says... just skip that last bit, I'm talking out my ass.... No, take care of yourself for YOU, Scott - and me, ok? Cause I'd be real pissed if you didn't... 'Belong to each other' - I like the sound of that. You ain't making an ass of yourself, I'm enjoying knowing what you think. And, by the way, you got a pretty amazing ass yourself...

It's nice 'babble', and you know, never figured myself much one for letters and corresponding and shit, but I really am enjoying you. Your letters, I mean.... Working on it, Scott. And yeah, I'd like to see you in one piece again, too, so you do the same, alright? Hell yeah, I felt like responding to it. Just hope this rambling shit makes sense.... Not if I see you first.

Logan


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Co-written with Jo

I'd say it paid off pretty well, it helped me find you. Yeah well I don't have the braun to fight most of these guys so I need a little more brain. Just a moment, that's all it was... I like the sound of you 'fixing it', Logan. By the way, I think it's a DEFINITE possibility... more like a probability actually...

Of course!

I can't tell you how glad I am that it finally got through. And just for the record, Logan, dense isn't all bad...

They aren't anything special but if you want to see them you can. My eyes are ... they're ruby red, at least they are now... I'm glad you're willing to settle, Logan, because I really don't want to blow a hole through you! I don't? Then what are those deep creases in my face when I smile? Yes she did... I guess she didn't feel like she could keep it, I told her she could but ... maybe it was just too painful, I don't know. Reality.

Neither do I. You don't have to say anything, Logan. You ... you do? Really? You didn't think you could feel anything more powerful then what you felt for Jean? Just checking...

Ego ... you? Actually I was trying to swell your head. ;-) Confidence is good. If you hadn't written that first letter, I never would have had the confidence to tell you how I feel. Only out of necessity, Logan, and by the way, what great muscle you are too... Practice is good. Practice is important. Oh man... I think your luck is pretty much set in stone, Logan. Sounds like you need something to do. When you get home, I'll be happy to see what I can do to alleviate your boredom. Nervous? Do I make you nervous, Logan? Yeah, it's the past but I'm usually a better judge of people than that. Maybe... I guess I didn't want to believe it because it was easier to hide that way, thinking that you didn't or couldn't care for anyone. I'm not sure you can technically call it an epidemic with only TWO known case but I'll check with Jean you'd like...

I didn't know either, Logan. I guess it really worked then, the glasses, bathing in cologne (you know I can't stand the smell of that shit now), avoiding you like the plague or making sure that we weren't alone. I shouldn't have said all that, I'm not really caged but that's how I feel, you know? It's my own damn fault, being too insecure to do what I want to do. Worrying what it will look like to everyone else. Nah, I'm not building you an ego, Logan, just ... stroking it a little... Oh my God, you used the "o" word! I didn't think it was in you vocabulary... Hell YEAH!! It's totally so!! Shit, can you tell that Jubilee has taken it upon herself to be my personal cheerleader? She figures I'm "majorly bummed" over the break up with Jean. Why is it that the only thing I can focus on in the sentence is "right in the ass"? Shit, must be because I get your growling voice saying you were going to "fuck me through the wall" out of my head. Anyway, I'm not worried, Jean was a biter... Damn, I'm sure you're not interested in hearing my s... life with Jean.

See, I told you being yourself is the only way to be. Well I'm just glad that you're on your way home! Oh hell yeah! Looked at you more often than anything else. I know, it's GREAT!! No one can tell what I'm looking at... Well Jean could because of our connection but she never said anything... Every day ... and night... I'm glad I'm not alone, of course technically I AM still alone, at least until you get here... Sounds like a blessing for heating bill that you used cold water, must have save the professor a fortune! What were you thinking about me, Logan? How I ... sound? Oh shit, you couldn't hear us could you? That ... that's all good to know. Yeah, that's what I figured which was why I didn't try. Fuck control, Logan! Control is overrated and for once in my life I want to lose control. I want to let go and just LIVE!

Then I'm glad I said it. Yeah, I did. I even wrote one up one night... It was while you were recovering from the SOL. After Jean fell asleep I went down stairs and spent the night sitting with you, watching over you ... hell, just watching you period! I wrote you a letter that night, explaining, or at least trying to, what I was feeling. Anyway, I was too  
afraid to do it so I didn't and instead I watched you drive away on my bike. Anywhere sounds good to me too, Logan. Actually, I like EVERYWHERE better! "Bit the dust"? Like the one on the phone?

Good, then we're even! No nightmares is great, Logan. I'm glad to heard that. "Nice dreams"? Care to share? Okay... Just ... know that I'm hear if you change your mind. There's no reason to thank me, Logan.

Not really, No. Yeah, I guess you're right. Right, they will get over it. Then I'm doubly glad that you wrote so I could write back and set things straight. Rogue will be happy to see you but not nearly as happy as I'll be. You know... Shit, I can't believe I'm going to tell you this. I'm sure it won't come as a surprise that Rogue proudly wears your tag everywhere she goes but... I can't tell you how jealous I am to see her wearing it. You're right, Logan, I wouldn't hurt her on purpose. I'll do my best. Thank you, it means a lot to hear that you trust me. Shit! What's hard? The same thing that gets hard every time there's something from Canada in my mailbox. The same that gets hard everything I hear your voice, or think about you, or look at your picture, or dream about you... I don't think I've ever been so consistently hard in my life. Did you have two in mind? You can do that? I didn't know it was one of your abilities, that was one Jean didn't mention. I'm looking forward to seeing you talk out of your ass. I'll work on that one, Logan. Okay, I'll work REALLY hard because I definitely DON'T want you pissed at me... Yeah, that sounds pretty damn good, doesn't it... I'm glad you're enjoying yourself, Logan, so am I. You're easy to talk to ... okay, you're easy to write to. I do look forward to talking to you face to face though. Right! Leather can make anyone's ass look good.

Yeah? You like my "babble"? I'm not much for letter writing myself so thanks for kicking me in the ass. You're enjoying ME? Damn, I wish I could feel it! Oh, my letters, phew... Was there for a moment that you were taking advantage of me... Good. I'll do my best. Hey, it's nice "rambling shit", and I never figure myself much one for rambling shit, but I'm enjoying you... I mean yours... And just what will happen if you see me first?

Scott


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Co-written with Jo

Then it's a damn good thing you paid attention in class.... Hey now, Scooter, you ain't exactly a weakling you know! Not bulky, just lean muscle - just the way I like it. Well, I'm happy you like the sound of it, Scooter - I seem to be pretty good at 'fixing' things. 'Probability' huh? You'd probably be surprised, Scott, but I'm actually smiling right now...

Yeah, reflexes are very important...

Not as glad as me, Scooter. It isn't? Care to explain?

Thank you. Red's a real nice colour, Scott, and no, I really don't want a hole blown through me. Although, you could blow something else.... Alright, putting the bottle back down. Really gotta learn one of these days... Just shut up and accept that you have a great smile aready, will ya?? Shit... How... I mean, what... what brought it to an end? If you feel like telling me, you don't have to though. Not if you don't want to.

Good. I want to... just don't know what to say. Not real good at this. Don't feel shit for Jeannie, Scott, and you know that. Or you should by now.

Well, you're doing a damn fine job then, Scooter! Nice face... you wink at all the guys? Or just me? Yeah, usually I don't have a problem with confidence - only seems to be a problem around you. I'm really glad you did tell me how you feel, Scott - I was feeling pretty miserable after I wrote that letter. Kinda figured it'd piss you off or something. 'Great muscle', huh? I'll flex them for you sometime, then...Yeah, it is good. Oh.... that's real good to hear... Oh shit. I'll be back in a few.

OK, back again. Damn it, Scott, saying shit like that... I can't wait to see what you can do to help me with my boredom. Jesus Christ, hell yeah, you make me nervous! Don't worry about it, alright, Scott? I hope you're done hiding, though, because I DO care. Alot. All it takes is two.... and don't bother with Jeannie, I ain't interested really in what she has to say.

Yeah, it worked. AND THANK FUCKING GOD ABOUT THE COLOGNE! That shit really burns the hell out of my nose... No, you should've said it, Scott. But I do know what you mean. FUCK what it looks like to everyone else!! I could give a shit. Hey, I don't have ANY problems with you stroking anything.... Yeah, I did - it's a bad word in MY vocabulary. Oh god, the mallrat's on your case? Well, you do need a personal cheerleader, Scott - you're too rough on yourself. Are you? 'Majorly bummed' over your breakup, I mean? Precisely my intention, Scott. And that ain't ALL I'm gonna do, just the first... Hey, it doesn't bother me what you and Jean did.... as long as it's past tense.

The only way I ever am. I would be, if the stupid motherfucker in the truck didn't drive me off the road and nearly total your bike! Still pissing me off... Damn glad to hear that... see anything you liked? No, it ain't 'great' - it sucks!! Yeah, well I ain't a fucking telepath... You got yourself a deal, Scooter - every day and night. You won't ever be alone once I do get there. Yeah, I used a shitload of cold water - but I ain't saving the professor any money. I'm the one footing this bill. Oh yeah, how you sound alright. I could hear you, don't sweat it. Was nice fantasy material... Smart man. Oh, I intend to - help you lose control, that is.

You.... in the lab... you sat with me? I thought... I thought it was just a dream... my head making shit up.... God damn it!! I really wish you'd given me that letter, Scooter - could've saved a lot of missed time here. Then EVERYWHERE it is ;) I can't believe I just did that... Yeah, exactly like the one on the phone.

No nightmares is a hell of a fucking relief. Been a long time since I slept this many days in a row without them. REALLY nice dreams - featuring yourself. Heavily. Thank you. Yeah, there is, so I did.

I am right. And they will get over it - soon as something new comes along to gossip about, you and Jean'll be old news. Yeah, I miss the kid alot, weird as it feels to admit that. But I'm glad you miss me. Well, not that you 'miss' me, but that you're thinking about me. Oh fuck it, you know what I meant. You.... damn, Scott, I know you probably felt embarrassed or some shit to tell me that, but it sure did put a big fucking grin on my face... I don't have any other tags.. to give you, Scott. Maybe you could get a tattoo....Ha ha. Seriously, though, I'm still smiling... Thank you. I know you'd do your best, and hell yeah, I trust you. You may be a dick sometimes, but you've got a good head on your shoulders. Smart. Damn, Scott... you ain't the only one who's been 'consistently hard'! Been that way ever since I laid eyes on you. Only gotten worse since then... Yeah, I did - Marie. And you. OH FUCK YOU! Wiseass, you know what I meant. See that you DO work hard - cause I don't wanna be pissed at you either. Hell yeah, it does. One of the best things I've heard in a long time... Good. Oh shit, that's a first - I'm not usually the kinda guy people find easy to talk to, you know. We'll be doing a lot of talking face to face, Scott. You know how I like listening to your voice... Fantastic as leather is, I still think you have a perfect ass without it - after all, you weren't wearing your leather the whole time I was there.

Yeah, I like your 'babble'. I kicked you in the ass? When? Oh you have no idea how much I'd like to take advantage of you, Scott.... Yeah, good. Thank you. You can enjoy me - or my letters, as much as you want. Depends on who's around.

Logan


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Co-written with Jo

Well, I certainly have to agree with you there, Logan. I'm extremely glad that I paid attention in class! Not a weakling, no, but I don't have the strength that of the mutant we fight have so I have to be able to out think them if I intend to survive for long. There are more powerful mutants taking sides every day, Logan, we have to be prepared physically *and* mentally to defend ourselves and mankind. Shit, sorry, I'll get down off my soapbox now, okay? So you like lean, huh? That's really good because I really like the sound of it, Logan. Oh yeah, definite probability. Not surprised … but I am VERY pleased!

 

Hell yeah… Very important!

I don't know about that but since I don't want to argue, I'll just let you have that one. Absolutely not! Dense … thick … hard … am I making my point?

You're welcome. You should have seen my eyes before, now those were something to see… Red's okay though, since I don't have much choice in the matter. I would really hate blowing a hole in you but I'd be more than happy to blow you … looking forward to it actually. Damn, you're putting the bottle down and apparently I don't even need one. Okay, okay… Thank you for the compliment; put a huge smile on my face. I want to tell you, Logan, it's just that… Well it's not something that I want to put in a letter, you know? When you get home, okay?

 

Yeah? That makes two of us, Logan, I'm not very good at all this either, I just know that I'm tired of denying how I feel … what I want. I can't do that anymore. I was teasing you, Logan, okay? I know you don't feel that way about Jean.

 

Oh, glad to hear it. There's only guy worth winking at! Hey, just remember that you're the one that got up the courage to make the first move so give yourself some credit, all right? I'm glad I told you too and I'm beyond ECSTATIC that you feel the same way, Logan. I'm sorry though that you felt so bad after writing me the first time. Why did you think it would piss me off? Ooooooh yeah, AMAZING muscle! Flex them for me, huh? Any particular way you plan on doing that? Where in the hell are you going, Logan?!

 

And again I'll ask what was so important that you had to stop in the middle of my letter? What did I say? Well I'm coming up with more and more ideas all the time, Logan. Should have quite a list by the time you actually get here… Well … sounds like we're even then because you make me as nervous as hell! Okay … just know that I'm sorry that I misjudged you so badly and how happy I am that I did. Logan, I promise you that I will NOT hide from you. It's really, really nice to know that you care, I … care about you too, more than I thought possible. Two is a good number and I won't say a word to Jean…

 

Well at the time it was a good thing, or so I thought. I wonder what would have happened if I let you get a whiff? Would things have been different or would you just have left sooner? Interesting question, don't you think? Well I hope you like the new stuff then because I'd hate to mess up your sniffer. Yeah, I guess so, I mean it won't change if I don't change it, right? I sort of figured that you did. I'm getting there, Logan, but it won't happen in a day. I've lived most of my life for other people so it's going to be hard putting me first. Well that's good to know because I can think of a few things right now that I'd like to stroke… I'm sure. And what an interesting vocabulary it is too, I'm sure. Well her, Rogue and Kitty mostly, a few of the other girls from time to time. Okay, so I'm hard on myself, doesn't mean I need a cheerleader and if I did, it wouldn't be a student … or several. No, I'm not, Logan. Jean was one of the things I did because it was something I'd always done. I mean I love her, I always will love her but not in the way I should and not in the way she deserves. Well I for one can NOT wait, Logan. It is, all in the past.

 

Yeah, I did. Almost every night and part of the day too. You knew I was there? Oh my God. Yeah, it might have saved us some time or it might have ruined everything. You never know how the paths you didn't take would end and I guess that's for the best. EVERYWHERE, I really like the sound of that. Do you wink at all the guys, or just me? I like that too, thank you. Boy, it's dangerous to be a bourbon bottle around you, Logan.

 

I bet it is. The nightmares I have aren't anything close to what you do, I can't image waking to something like that every night. I'm so glad that I've given something better to dream about. So … am I good? Sorry, couldn't help asking. Besides that's not being very specific. You're welcome. Okay, you're welcome again then.

 

Okay, okay, you're right! They will get over it and I guess you realized that chances are the something new will be your return and … well, you and I. Why is it weird to admit that miss Rogue? The two of you went through a lot together, spent a lot of time together and get each other out of quite a few jams. It's normal for you to care about each other. I do 'MISS' you and I think about you all the time, Logan… All the time. Well yeah, I was embarrassed to tell you that. I know it's irrational but it how I feel and … you said you wanted to know how I feel. I'm happy that it at least got a smile out of you, I'd hate to embarrass myself without getting something in return and the thought of you smiling … that's something really good. A tattoo, huh? Anything specific you think I should get? Great, I'm glad, I'm going to be making you smile a lot, Logan, I promise. You don't have to thank me … but since I know you won't take it back, you're welcome. I will and … thank you for that, it really means more than I can say. Wonderful, so you really do think I'm a dick? Yeah, I do have a good head shoulders but you know what, it's not the only one… That's good and I can't wait for you to lay me with your eyes again … or lay eyes on me again. Worse … or better? You and Rogue … and me … sounds perfect. I HOPE SO! Yeah, I know what you mean but its fun to tease you, Logan, you're so easy to get a 'rise' out of… Oh I'm going to try REAL HARD, don't want to ruin your homecoming by being laid up … just want to be laid! Jesus, I don't where this shit is coming from. I'll agree with that, best thing I've ever heard! Well I do find you easy to talk to now, didn't think I ever would considering how we started out. It's really all because you wrote that first letter, Logan, so thank you for that. Talking face to face, DEFINITELY looking forward to that. Lying in bed … TALKING all night long. What could be better than that? Oh wait, lying in bed and NOT talking, just making lots of sounds… There you go throwing that words around again, Logan. I still don't see how you figure that word applies to me, there isn't anything perfect about me. I am glad that you like my ass though. You're right, I didn't wear leather the whole time you were here. 'Ro's the only one who can get away with that.

 

You have no idea what a huge relief that is! I tend to babble when I'm nervous so you should be hearing a lot of it the first … uh year or so. Figure of speech, Logan. You kicked me in the ass by writing that first letter, by making me face … no making me WANT to face what I was trying so hard to hide. Hell, don't let me stop you, help yourself. Hell yeah and you're welcome. I'm sure I'll enjoy you even more than your letters and I can't wait to get you here. What if no one's around?

 

Scott


End file.
